Syndrome of a "good man" - why it is impossible to be so and it is actually not good

Very good people grow out of good children. And good children are obtained thanks to parents who, day after day, inspire the crumbs about what cannot and should not be done, otherwise you will become bad, but you have to be good.

Any "bad" behavior of the child is severely condemned and punished. He becomes so intimidated that he tries to do his best to please strict parents, struggling to be good.

And so the person grew up, became an adult, so, very good - he will take off his last shirt, and he will always lend money and come to help at any time of the day or night.

How does a “good person” behave? Good - that is, it does not bother anyone, does not upset anyone, moreover, it pleases everyone with its behavior and actions. A good person is conformable, comfortable in interactions and does not cause negative emotions, providing everyone around him with the most comfortable mode.

What is really going on?

In fact, such a person often goes against his feelings, needs and desires, fearing to appear bad. There is a huge fear inside him to show himself from the negative side. He in every possible way suppresses in himself any negative emotions, such as anger, anger, contempt, depression, irritability and the like.

He is very afraid that someone will see or find out that he has such "terrible" feelings, emotions or a desire to harm the offender, take revenge, send someone away, freak out. Afraid of being rejected and deprived of love for it.

Moreover, in order to constantly assert his "goodness", he begins to constantly condemn and condemn the "bad" in others and can gradually turn into a grumbling.

But an even bigger problem is that he constantly sees how luck smiles at those who are more arrogant, who are not afraid openly express emotions, even negative ones, who know how to give back and send in time and even behave sometimes "Immoral".

But it is worth noting that a "good" person often has a hypertrophied sense of morality, so what will be the norm for the majority will be outrageous for such an individual.

As a result, this desire to constantly please, seek approval, and praise does not allow a person to hear his true desires, boldly go to his goals and listen to himself, and not those around him.

Everyone who is lazy begins to use such a person, and he either does not understand this, or realizes, but cannot do anything, since his conscience does not allow. Or rather, they lack the courage to show indignation, say no, put others in their place, defend their boundaries.

People with good man syndrome are rarely successful and often develop neuroses. This happens against the background of constant internal conflicts and suppressed emotions.

They find it difficult to develop relationships, as they expect the same "goodness" from others and are outraged that people can calmly behave as they please. From these high expectations and idealization of the world, they suffer and can go into depression.

You can get rid of the "good man syndrome", and even on your own, if you start studying psychology and do various exercises to "reflash" your attitudes and beliefs.

The most important thing is to understand that there is nothing absolutely bad and absolutely good in the world. And each has its own concept of good and bad. And any situation in itself is neutral and only we ourselves, based on our convictions, give it an emotional coloring.

Therefore, everyone looks at the same thing completely differently, and this is the norm.